we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
