Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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