Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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