I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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