Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I party with great urgency now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
