Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
