are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
