I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
