We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Randomize
