you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
be right there i have to get my cape
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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