dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
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First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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