I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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