you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
