I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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