in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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