the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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