you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
