Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
