so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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