I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
