I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
