So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
time to smoke my breakfast
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
His nipple licking is glorious
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