party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
