Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
