would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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