I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
