I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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