Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
