porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
