I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
