he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
