boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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