I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
