I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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