just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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