We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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