he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
