So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
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As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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