You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't deserve a penis
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
