We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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