call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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