she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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