I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we're making bets on your personal life
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
