He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
