hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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