i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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