I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
