I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
