i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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