I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
