The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
