right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
