How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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