Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
