Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
