how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
