dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You're like the curious george of whores
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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