Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
