East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
