I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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