ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
