You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
