not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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