ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
