This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
