He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
