can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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