she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
