i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
