I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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