I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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