I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
