We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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