i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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