I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I've blown a few things in my day
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
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in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize